Oscars so right

A wrap-up of 2023's red/champagne carpet

Mar 13, 2023

I am interrupting my regular programming to bring you my round-up of Oscar fashion. In the past, many of you have seen me post my thoughts on Facebook but I decided to use this forum instead. Please note that, as always, my intention is not to offend but to have fun. After all, aren’t all the stars walking on that red — er, champagne — carpet to elicit a reaction? Otherwise, they’d all be like Rihanna and go in through the back door.

Here you go:

I think the Oscars got it right this year. No one hit anyone. The correct winners were announced. Jimmy Kimmel was funny, and charming, and kept the show under four hours. The fact that the red carpet was champagne was confusing but certainly less so than Everything Everywhere All at Once. But, let’s face it, folks, we’re not really there for the awards. There is no doubt in my mind that if you ask anyone a year from now to name who won best supporting actress last night, 95% of us would head to Google to come up with Jamie Lee Curtis (don’t ask Alexa, she still has trouble turning off the alarm). We are there, of course, for the fashion. By now, I’m sure you’ve probably seen all of the dresses. Unfortunately, without our dear departed idol Joan Rivers, no one is willing to tell you which dresses were “ugh, ugh, ugh” (a familiar expression). That’s where I come in.

A few rules before we start (some are made to be broken):

Nominees’ spouses are exempt from criticism, unless they, too, are famous and just not nominated (Ben Affleck, for example, at the Grammys was fair game). Generally, they aren’t dressed by stylists and they’re buying their clothes off the rack. They get a pass.
Technical award nominees are also off-limits. Unless, of course, they wear something completely outrageous. Then it’s off to the races.
The phrase “what the hell are they wearing” should not be uttered about anyone who continually dresses in an outlandish way. (This means you, Janelle Monae).
All comments below are made in good fun. There are no hidden meanings and I don’t mean to offend any readers. In other words: don’t cancel me.

So read on for what I considered to be the good (including some good bones), the bad and the oh-so ugly.

My Faves

The best of the best of the night came from two relative unknowns: Halle Bailey (in Dolce & Gabana) and Monica Barbaro (in Elie Saab).

I also loved Cara Delevigne (also Elie Saab); Malala in Ralph Lauren, who showed us just how stunning modesty can be (take note Eva Longoria); Sandra Oh in Giambattista Valli; Emily Blunt in Valentino and Sophia Carson in her wedding dress.

Good Bones

Dresses with visible boning were all over the “champagne” carpet. Mindy Kaling, who has been showing off her weight loss (and some may say some other work) on Instagram, was smoking hot in her white Vera Wang dress. But, hey, when you look so good in something, why not get it in every color?

Others with boned dresses included Phoebe Waller-Bridge (who knew she’s been with Martin McDonogh for the past 5 years!), Lady Gaga (see below), Halle Bailey (see above) and Jamie Lee Curtis, who were a mother-of-the bride look from Dolce & Gabana (I never thought I’d put mother-of-the-bride and Dolce & Gabana in the same sentence)

The Bad

I do have to say that there weren’t a lot of disasters last night. Harry Shum Jr. did look like he stopped at the Oscars on the way to the dojo. Ashley Graham threw a cape and a sheer skirt over her bathing suit and called it a dress. Hallee Berry came from a toga party wearing the crown she received as a necklace. Rooney Mara’s dress would have been pretty if she work it with a smile. And Eva Longoria might have been able to get away with all that boob if she was JLo and it was the year 2000.

The Ugly

Hands down, the worst of the evening was Florence Pugh. I am confident that Joan would have called her Florence Phew, Phew, Phew. The shorts, the nose ring, the two-tone hair done up like she was going to the gym, and the make-up were all wrong. OK, she has good eyebrows. I still may have to switch to Team Olivia.

Honorable Mention

I loved all of these looks and they might have made my best dressed list but there was something with each one that just made me go 🤔:

Fan Bingbing — Besides having no idea who she is, I really which she hadn’t thrown that “I’m headed to the St Patrick’s Day Parade” cloak over her beautifull dress. I would have loved it in any other color.
Angela Bassett — It’s really hard to say anything negative about Angela Bassett. She is stunning and was even more so last night. But the dress made her look like like an odd-shaped gift that no one really knew how to wrap.
Stephanie Hsu — If you weren’t sure if it came off as too prom-like, Good Morning America confirmed it this morning when their correspodent pulled a prom dress of the rack at Macy’s to demonstrate how you can steal her look.
Hong Chau — This was such a pretty color and a great silhouette but why was she trailing a peacock behind her?
Kate Hudson — I didn’t like it when I first saw the top of the dress but the full photo below shows how prettty it really was.